I'm worried about a mate — what do I say?
Ask directly and ask twice: 'How are you doing, really?' Asking someone straight out whether they're having thoughts of suicide does not put the idea in their head — the evidence is clear that it lowers risk. Then listen without fixing, and stay in touch afterwards. If they're in danger right now, call 999.
What to say
- 'You've not seemed yourself lately. What's going on?'
- 'How are you doing, really?' — then wait through the silence.
- 'Are you having thoughts of suicide?' Direct is better than hinting.
- 'I'm not going anywhere. I'll check in Thursday.'
What not to say
- 'Cheer up, others have it worse.'
- 'Have you tried the gym / a holiday?'
- Jumping straight to solutions before they've finished a sentence.
- Promising to keep a secret you can't keep if their life is at risk.
If they say yes
Stay with them. Ask whether they have a plan or the means to act, and help remove what you can. Call 999 or take them to A&E if they've harmed themselves or you believe they might. Otherwise call NHS 111 option 2 together, or sit with them while they ring Samaritans on 116 123.
Support for you
Carrying this alone is heavy. Samaritans will talk to you about someone else's crisis, and Papyrus HOPELINE247 (0800 068 4141) exists specifically for people worried about a young person.
Not sure where you are on the scale?
Press the button, pick a number from 1 to 10, and see what fits.
Last checked: September 2026